oh wow

4:45 PM

It's been more or less six months since I last posted here, oh my god. D: I have so much to say and to record but then right now a lot of things are occupying my mind. ;~;

`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

when self-confidence goes downhill

7:55 AM

Wow, how long has it been since I last posted here? It's been.. months, eh? I notice how whenever I post in this blog (seeing that it is private, it serves as my secret diary) I'd always be complaining or being emotional over some issue and more often than not it'd be me and my self-insecurities.

Sometimes I wonder why I can't be the person who's never afraid to take risks, the person who can do whatever she wants well without getting held back by her own fears. It's honestly scarring (yes, scarring not scaring) me at how I feel so low about myself. Why can't I have the self-confidence that I wish to have so much? It's my fault, I know but.. have you ever felt questioning yourself over and over again about things? 

So lately I've been experiencing depression because of my grades - they're absolutely not low, they're high, in fact but my perfectionist self is just.. so disappointing. Why do I always feel like I have to be perfect all the time? It's so fucking wrong yet why can't I change my mindset on it - that's what's annoying. 

It's the inferiority complex, I tell you. Whenever I see something better I always compare myself and even if I don't want it, I couldn't help my self. I get discouraged instead =_____= I want to cry, seriously.

I SHOULD AVOID COMPARING NO? I SHOULD BELIEVE IN MYSELF MORE. YES I CAN DO THISSSS! 

..and I should really put more effort in what I do, I feel like I've been slacking a lot. Oh wait, I don't feel like, I really am slacking sobbb

`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

CHANGE!

9:12 AM




I'm depressed, I seriously am. I feel so fucking sad and everything and you'll probably end up calling me shallow but yeah, it's all because of my grades.

I didn't fail, I get high grades but it seriously isn't enough for me - like hell, the exam results were so frustrating! I ask myself what has happened and I come into a conclusion that I'm way too distracted. And the fact that i can be such a lazy bitch doesn't help as well D:

So yeah, past is past and I've been convincing myself about that for the past few days. Second quarter has started and I promise, in second quarter everything will change, I'll persevere even more and be more focused because I really can't afford being reckless. I'll do my best!

I won't let what happened in the previous quarter happen again - this time I'll be better. I can do this! :D So wish me luck~

`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

Wait just a darn minute, what?

12:30 AM


I sure forget to post here a lot.. Oh well, it's not as though anyone reads this anyways. I still like to call this as my mini diary... however you take that as.

Life's doing well, school life.. well, it's as hectic as ever. I can't recall how many times I wished that the day would end already so I can go home or how many times I've wished for summer to come by faster. But then, it's such a waste.. to not enjoy the current times. I must admit, I got sucked into the kpop fandom badly - it's as though I wouldn't be able to survive without a day of exposing myself to kpop related stuff. What's more is that, it's always in my mind. This fandom.. it's too obsessive.

So Super Junior ended their 4jib promotions and I must admit, I was really down and disappointed that they didn't even get to win anything on their last week of promotions. It's just, idk.. it doesn't feel good to a fan - it's as though we've failed them or something? Maybe that's just my bias acting up but wouldn't you feel sad as well for them? They've been through a lot of hardships already.. the least we can do is to make them smile, right? 

For those stupid antis, stfu.




Okay, okay enough of this nonsense sentimental time of mine - it's not good seeing myself down. Let's be positive, m`kay?

Now that Super Junior has ended their promotions, I'm just super duper glad that SHINee is back. GDI DID YOU HEAR THEIR SONGS ALREADY? I'M SO ADDICTED ASHFLSAJFLSAKFSL. D: No seriously, I just LOVE every bit of it. I'm addicted to A-Yo for some reason.. x'3 Words cannot express how giggly am right now when I see them on music shows and performing.

Unless you follow me on twitter, you probably don't know this another fact about me. Other than being an ELF, I'm also a Shawol. Yes, I love SHINee sfm as well - not as much as SJ but still, so so much! My bias is Onew, btw. <33

Speaking of that, I'm on Shawol mode, guys - I seriously am.  The fanfics I read nowadays are SHINee fanfics, specifically ONKEY and 2MIN ones. I'm addicted to those pairings.

I am itching to go on a SHINee spree - to browse and post around SFI, watch videos and stuff. You do not know how much I want to spend my time watching their shows that (due to my laziness) I haven't watched yet BUT SHEESH SCHOOL IS SUCH A NUISANCE SOB. There's so much I want to do..

Can I be like this? 



But sadly, I cannot - I care too much about my grades that I could not afford to be a lazy grunt. And it also doesn't help that these next two weeks will be hectic and full of studying to be done! D: This week is: LONGTESTS && DEADLINES week. The next will be, EXAM WEEK.

I am sad at how I have to be away from my ~lovely~ fandoms for these two weeks because I have to do studying and stuff. I can do this, right? 


FIGHTING!!! <3


**PS: I'll be attending the KPOP Fest on SM Megamall this August 8 with my friends... YAY! Oh and, according to Universal Records PH, there will be an album launch event for SHINee's Lucifer and I cannot effin' wait for it..! I'm seriously going to buy both version A & B and I'll be early so I can get freebies.. Muahahaha. >:D


`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

➼ το dο ιiςτ ✩

7:40 AM

It has come to that time again where.. well, the to-do list has to be typed out. Seriously, the amount of homeworks we get increase every week - it's not even funny. Oh well, what's the use of complaining? Let's be optimistic~ ☆

So pretty much, blue ones = urgently needed tomorrow while red ones are too as well (somehow) but of less priority for tomorrow.. (since I need it on another day of the week, lol)

➾ ENGLISH!
     - Revise the debate case on 'Sex Education in Public Schools'. Research! Type it out!


➾ GEOMETRY
     - STUDY PARALLEL LINES >8D


➾ FILIPINO!
     - Summarize the story 'Sa Pula, Sa Puti' on page 161 into a five sentence summary using 'karaniwan at di-karaniwan na ayos ng pangungusap' lolwhaaat. I fail at trying to translate it to english xDD
     - RESEARCH: Pag-aaral ni Rizal


➾ SOCIAL STUDIES!
     - Get News File for this week. Compile previous News Files into a folder; make sure that folder is green. Fix Index Card.
     - RESEARCH: Continental Drift and Plate Tectonics Theory ;DD


➾ LITERATURE (sheesh, too many homeworks for this D:)
     - READ 'THE LAST JUDGEMENT' THEN ANSWER GUIDE QUESTIONS. MEMORIZE. GAHH.
     - Research then do K-W-L chart for 'Romantic Era' and 'Anne Bradstreet'
     - Reread Finn McCaul and the Salmon of Knowledge and The Giant Causeway (take note of important details!)
     - RESEARCH: Christopher Marlowe
     - DO CD COVER PROJECT.

➾ GENERAL
     - Ask dad to sign the reply slip.
     - Do two Morning Praises' for class. :|
     - For the oral exam, get a 1/8 index card ready with 1x1 photo, Name, Yr./Sec plus the story you read.

Labels: ,


`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

It's been some time..huh?

7:36 AM



Geez, why are you so prection? <3>


Hey. Not that anyone actually reads this but.. Wow, it's been some time since I last wrote on this blog of mine. I guess you can say that one of my reasons would be my laziness but then a rising increase of the reason why I have been inactive lately in written works is how I'm focusing on my studies too. :) Haha!

Somehow.. I'm really worried. Why? I feel like kpop is taking over my life that I put my studies in a second priority. Like, when I reach home I'd hurriedly get my iTouch and browse through the latest updates (news reports, pictures, videos and fanfics). Seriously speaking, kpop is the only fandom that has caused me to be like this - obsessive in a way. As far as I know I'm not those over-obsessive fangirls; I'm just at an average level of fangirling.

Going back to the issue of my studies, this past week wasn't so good at all. No, I didn't get failing grades but my results were so average that up to now I still can't get over it. It's crazy but even a single mistake on a test irks me. It makes me sound like a boastful person but when it comes to my grades, it's no laughing matter for me. I'm not taking it seriously while taking it seriously. Get it? It's hard to explain but... like I always say in twitter, I have a perfectionist side which I find so hard to remove.. It's making me all sad, honestly.

Now, I plan to prioritize more. I don't want what happened in this week to happen again. I should be focusing on my studies yet still having fun with my fandoms, right? Wish me all the best..!

And gee, right now I have a lot of homeworks and things to study for tomorrow.. I won't cram anymore tomorrow. I promise, I'll do all these homeworks and studying here at home! DETERMINATION = 100%! I don't have to just keep on studying, taking breaks are the best~

I quote my to-do list:



✖ Ⓗⓞⓜⓔⓦⓞⓡⓚⓢ! ✖
And so, my long school To-Do list arrives ☹

➩ LANGUAGE!
❦ Longtest on Monday!
❦ Argument Essay about Sex Education in the Philippines

➩ P.E.
❦ Study the History of Gymnastics!

➩ FILIPINO!
❦ Read pg. 147
❦ Start memorizing poem for the individual reciting.

➩ SOCIAL STUDIES!
❦ News File
❦ Study about the Theories of how the universe was formed

➠ FOR OTHER DAYS!!

➩ COMPUTER! (before Wednesday)
❦ Do homework and send through e-mail!

➩ READING!
❦ Copy notes for what i missed last last week..
❦ LONG TEST!! (on Tuesday)

에이마, 화이팅!! <3

`He's so pretty it's a sin :D

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! *hug*

10:04 PM

You know, I'm a person who cries a lot. I cry over the simplest things, to be honest. And right now, I remember that tomorrow will be Father's Day and suddenly flashes of the many things that my Dad has done for me enters my mind and right now, as I am typing this, I'm sniffing and sobbing in my room.

Whenever I say that I'm a daddy's girl it doesn't just mean the materialistic kind but I really love my dad a lot - he's done so much for me and I don't even know how to repay it. Heck, I don't show it because I'm not really open when it comes to my feelings. I'm not the one who throws out 'I love you~'s to my parents every now and then, but I really do care for them a lot, especially my dad. He's superrrr special to me.

It's really cheesy to say this but for me he's been the best dad in the whole world. He doesn't grant everything I want, he reprimands me but that's because I know he cares. But what touches me the most is that whenever he sees me feeling down he would always try to break the ice and do something to make me happy. He never disappoints me, really. I feel a whole lot more comfortable with him than my mom.

My dad is the one who would ask me how my day went, how school went, did I get low grades or something in a quiz and asks if he could help me with something and a whole lot more.. Whenever I remember those things, tears would just involuntary fall from my eyes. It just saddens me right now how I have no idea what to give to him tomorrow at Father's Day... T^T

Just sharing this experience I had in which my dad was really just the best!

I remember one time when I was asking him for something for my birthday (lg lollipop cellphone [$241] + super show 2 gen. ad ticket [$21]) but he didn't even respond so I took it in the wrong way and started moping in my room and just staying silent whilst focusing my attention of my computer. I'm not the person who can stay mad for so long so gradually I began to accept that I wouldn't be getting it after all and thought to myself that maybe I really was asking for too much. But still, even though I don't act frustrated anymore, I still have that heavy feeling in my chest because I really really wanted what I was asking for.

On the day of my birthday (at April 9) my friends came over and we had a lot of fun but after they left, the whole happy feeling in me just died down. Why? It was already night time (8 PM) and still, no signs of my present from my parents. So I was really disappointed and thought that they would simply give me money on my birthday. And the fact that the Super Junior concert on out country (which was on the next day, April 10) and I didn't have a ticket yet so I assumed I wasn't going to attend anymore. It was around 8:30 when dad asked me to dress up because we were going somewhere. So of course, I dress up and went with him. I wasn't excited and the look could be seen on my face - I was just waiting to see where he's taking me and that's all.

I was shocked to see where we were. He told me to stay put at this ice cream store and he went out. I wondered where he was going but he told me to stay put so I just stayed in that ice cream store, eating Oreo ice cream (he payed for it). He came back with a disappointed face and said that the tickets for the General Admission were sold out. I felt happy and disappointed at the same time but I assume my face showed disappointment more. He took me to the mall beside the Araneta Coliseum and from what I thought that we would just be eating a simple meal, we went down to the electronics department and guess what? He bought me the cellphone I wanted. "I never said I wouldn't buy it for you. Happy Birthday dear, did you like it?" He said. I was just so happy that I thought I could cry on the spot. I hadn't expected this because well, it was expensive and I thought he didn't want to buy it. I sure sound like a spoiled brat already no? But honestly, it's rare for me to ask something from them; this was one of those times in which I really wanted something. I said thank you but deep down I really wanted to do more but like I said, I wasn't the 'sweet daughter', I have troubles expressing myself. D:

I got the cellphone, I was hyped up of course. He sat beside me as I was fiddling around with the cellphone, saving the numbers of my friends and all. But still, I was sad. I wouldn't be able to go to the concert of my favorite kpop band ever, who wouldn't? So I asked him about the concert. He told me that he really did went around the place to ask if there were still tickets for the general admission but it was sold out already. I was disappointed, really. I had a difficulty trying to get to sleep because I know I'd probably missing out the concert I wanted to go to. But a part of me was already happy for the phone I got.

The next day, April 10 (SJ's concert night!) I was shocked when my dad woke me up so and told me to get dressed. I was moving slow because I just wanted to stay home that day. Guess where we went? To the concert venue! I was excited because I thought that maybe he did get a ticket for the general admission then he said he didn't. "Don't worry, hopefully there's a scalper around selling tickets. We'll find one." He said. I wanted to cry on the spot at how sweet my dad was. Finally, this guy appeared and asked dad if he wanted to buy tickets. To my surprise, he didn't buy the General Admission tickets [$21] but the Upperbox B tickets [$65]! Then he took out a pair of small binoculars from his bag, gave it to me and said, "The place you would be sitting, you could still see them but use that if you want to take a closer look and feel like you're at the SVIP place. Have fun!" And yes, I did have a lot of fun in the concert.

See, that's just one of the thousand reasons why I love my dad. That just came out as me being a spoiled brat but if you look into it clearly, it just shows how much my dad cares. He's just too sweet!

tl;dr I LOVE MY DAD! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD!

`He's so pretty it's a sin :D
♣ Kitari here~ I'm a pretty much random girl and is an avid fan of kpop and it's idols - I can't stop it, it's an addiction. Welcome to my personal blog about my escapades and venturings into my multifandoms <3 CAUTION: I tend to blab and fangirl around too much, if you haven't noticed. ^^



LEE SUNGMIN ♥
He is like, my dream guy. My most favorite member of Super Junior which btw, is my favorite boy band. xD I love how talented he is and he serves as my inspiration :3 King of aegyo, ftw!



KYUMIN * 137 ♥
I ship these two a whole whole lot. My obsession is as clear as the Sapphire Blue sea, KYUMIN is forever in my heart (:


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